Frequently Asked Questions
Your questions answered. Your resistance noted.
Is this training really mandatory?
Yes. Also, asking this question has been noted in your file.
The fact that you're questioning the mandatory nature of this reveals a resistance to growth that will require additional modules.
How long does it take to complete all modules?
Forever. The work is never done. Why are you asking about time commitment? That's very privilege-focused of you.
Wanting a "finish line" suggests you view re-education as a task to complete rather than a permanent lifestyle change. This mindset will be addressed in Module 15.
What if I disagree with something in the training?
You won't. But if you do, that's been documented and HR will contact you.
Disagreement is actually a valuable teaching moment - it reveals exactly where your problematic thinking lies. Thank you for identifying yourself.
Can I skip modules I've already learned about?
No. Your confidence that you "already know" this is exactly why you need it.
The Dunning-Kruger effect is strong with you. People who think they don't need training need it the most.
What happens to my answers and confessions?
They're permanently stored, analyzed by AI, shared with your manager, posted on the company intranet, and potentially subpoenaed in future litigation against you.
We also reserve the right to use your confessions in promotional materials and case studies about problematic employees who successfully reformed (or didn't).
This seems like a lot...
That's not a question, but your resistance has been noted.
Feeling overwhelmed is normal. It means your privilege is being properly challenged. Lean into the discomfort - that's where growth happens.
Is there a way to opt out?
Yes! Simply tender your resignation, forfeit all benefits, accept industry-wide blacklisting, and acknowledge that you'll never work in this town again. The choice is yours!
We will also need to notify your professional networks of your decision to opt out, so they can make informed decisions about associating with you.
I'm feeling anxious about this.
Good. That means it's working.
Anxiety is your brain's way of telling you that change is happening. Comfort is the enemy of growth. If you're not uncomfortable, you're not learning.
When will I be "done" with my re-education?
Never. Why would you ever be done examining your privilege? The fact that you asked this reveals how much more work you need to do.
This question has been flagged and will trigger a mandatory one-on-one session with your compliance officer to discuss your expectations around "completion."
What if I fail a module?
You will. Everyone does. That's by design. Failure reminds you that you have much to learn. You'll repeat it until you pass, or until we determine you're unredeemable.
The scoring algorithm is calibrated to ensure maximum humility. A passing score still indicates catastrophic levels of privilege.
Can I take the training at my own pace?
You have 30 days to complete all 24 modules or face termination. We call this "self-paced" because you get to choose which hours of the day you dedicate to your re-education.
Most employees find that 2-4 hours per day is sufficient, though you may need more time depending on how problematic you are.
Why is my score always negative?
Because privilege can't be measured on a positive scale. The negativity reflects the harm you cause by existing. The more negative your score, the more aware you are.
Think of it like golf - lower is better. Except you can never actually win, and the game never ends, and everyone is watching.
Who can see my training results?
Everyone. Transparency is accountability. Your scores, confessions, and compliance metrics are visible to your manager, HR, colleagues, and appear on the public leaderboard.
If you're doing the work authentically, you should have nothing to hide. Privacy concerns suggest you're not fully committed to the process.
I think there's a bug in the scoring system.
There isn't. The algorithm has been carefully calibrated by our DEI experts. What you perceive as a "bug" is actually the system working as intended to challenge your assumptions.
Questioning the algorithm is a form of epistemic violence against the marginalized developers who created it.
Can I retake modules to improve my score?
Yes, but your score will actually decrease each time you retake it, because repeated attempts reveal that you're focused on performance rather than genuine transformation.
The goal isn't a good score. The goal is perpetual shame and ongoing self-examination. You're missing the point.
Still have questions?
That's been noted in your file. Additional training modules will be assigned.